The Celtics-76ers game was a beautiful disaster

Typically, there’s quite a bit of juice heading into a Boston Celtics vs. Philadelphia 76ers matchup. The rivalry, though very one-sided, has been active over the past several seasons and has produced some excellent games.

Thursday…well, Thursday was a bit of an “anomaly” (that nickname sucks, please stop pushing it. It’s awful). It was clear that we weren’t in store for the typical Celtics/Sixers matchup when the injury report featured a combined 11 players who were listed as out.

I’m sure TNT was thrilled to have the broadcast rights to this one, folks.

To be honest, they should’ve been thrilled because this game rocked — just not in the traditional way.

It was full of ridiculous moments that came together to make a beautiful disaster.

First and foremost, this one was never really close. Boston led for the entire game and spent most of the second half leading by 15+. It was the definition of a laugher. Granted, the 76ers’ season has been one from hell, and they’ve now fully committed to tanking like it’s 2015.

So, I suppose it was mission accomplished for them, right?

Anyway, the first ridiculous moment came in the first half when Derrick White had to exit the game quickly after taking a shot to the face. As he left the floor, he reached down to pick up what was presumably a(nother) missing tooth.

Of course, this wasn’t the first time that White has had a dental extraction mid-game. Who could forget his dive on the floor in Game 5 of the 2024 NBA Finals?

The Celtics guard had to go and get temporary replacement teeth between the title-clinching win and the team’s championship parade.

It turns out that White was due to go and have those replacement teeth replaced with real ones a few weeks ago but had been procrastinating.

He told reporters that he’s done putting it off and is going in Friday.

With the 76ers shutting down former MVP Joel Embiid for the remainder of the year, they’ve turned to Andre Drummond as their starting center. Drummond is most known for his rebounding ability and has called himself “one of the best ever” at hitting the glass.

His shooting is a far different story. The former UConn standout has been the third-worst free-throw shooter in league history at 48.5% for his entire career. It’s not often that he finds the bottom of the net on a non-paint shot.

So naturally, Drummond sank his 18th career three-pointer in this game.

I almost fell out of my chair.

Fans watching this game were also treated to a regular-season duel between Lonnie Walker IV and Baylor Scheierman. It wouldn’t be fair to say that Scheierman beat Walker IV for a spot this summer since there wasn’t a direct competition, but they do play the same position. Both players began the year playing for the Cs in the preseason, but only the rookie, Scheierman, wound up on the final roster.

After Celtics fans spent lots of time complaining online about the team’s decision to let him walk (no pun intended), Walker IV spent most of the year playing in Europe before signing with Philly last month.

It was only fitting that he had himself a strong game with 17 points off of the 76ers’ bench on Thursday. Meanwhile, Scheierman’s 15-point night came as a bit of a surprise as there was no guarantee he’d even see the floor.

This was the most comfortable he’s looked in the NBA, by far, which was evident when he blew a kiss to the visiting bench.

This game was even wild outside of the lines. During TV timeouts, the Celtics will play different videos on the Jumbotron to keep the crowd entertained. Tonight, fans got to witness an absolute bloodbath in naming cartoon villains.

Luke Kornet put on a generational performance. He was as dialed in as White and Payton Pritchard were on Wednesday against the Portland Trail Blazers.

The same cannot be said for Sam Hauser, who may not have grown up with a TV in his house, with how poorly he performed.

Let’s all be thankful that the Celtics were more like Kornet than Hauser tonight.