Further to yesterday’s post, don’t try this at home:
Not because it’s dangerous, but because it’s so downright tame the boredom could put you to sleep and and you might fall off your bike. I only hope the irate mountain bikers from the other day don’t get a hold of that, because I’ll never live it down. Most likely they’d give me crap for riding like a “woosie” and for not wearing a helmet, which is ironic, because when you ride like a woosie you don’t really need a helmet. (Mid-ride naps notwithstanding, of course.)
Hey, I’m no watermelon fucker:
Nor am I a highway scooterist:
I wish I’d been able to take a better photo but, you know, I was driving and I shouldn’t have been using the phone at all. Still, it’s too bad the “Welcome to the Bronx” sign isn’t clearer, since this is pretty much the most Bronx thing imaginable. I can’t tell if he’s white-knuckling it and thinking to himself, “Oh shit, I’m on the highway!,” or if he’s just calmly cruising and savoring the long line of traffic behind him. Lately I’ve also been seeing delivery people on e-bikes and similar conveyances on this stretch of road so I wonder if they’re simply being led astray by GPS.
Ironically there’s a serene and picturesque bike path directly adjacent to this highway that will take you from the Bronx pretty much all the way to Canada, but to be fair you are increasingly likely to encounter mysterious pants:
So maybe he figured it was worth the risk.
Speaking of e-bikes, a rider of one has run into a little girl in Brooklyn:
E-bikes? Delivery people? Bike lanes? Injured children? Jews??? This is the stuff of New York City tabloid writers’ wet dreams!
I admit I too was grateful for yet another excuse to malign e-bikes and excoriate their riders, though having watched the actual video I must say I’m not all that impressed:
Is the e-bike too fast for the bike lane? Sure. Should the rider have been more prepared to stop? Certainly. Is the so-called “parking-protected” bike lane configuration New York favors arguably as idiotic as it is Frogger-esque? Absolutely. Have I asked enough rhetorical questions? Not yet. Could you have designed a bike lane to more effectively insure that riders will not be able to see small children until it’s too late? Probably not:
At the same time, thankfully the child seems only to have sustained minor injuries, and incredibly the rider remained at the scene. And not to “But drivers!” the situation, but it’s not even in the same universe as this horrific story:
Really, it’s just unthinkably awful:
“I do not want to put my breath on something that is going to contain my DNA,” she allegedly told a detective shortly after 3:30 p.m. that day. “No, I’m good. Want to smell my breath? There’s no alcohol on my breath. You want to take a breathalyzer? Sure, go for it. I’m just saying I don’t like my DNA on things.”
The crash killed mom Natasha Saada and her two daughters — Diana, 8, and Debra, 5 — while leaving her 4-year-old son, Philip, critically injured.
Which is why it’s now an “explosive campaign issue:”
No, wait, that’s the bike lane thing:
Finally, in far less depressing news, a 92-year old rider will take on UNBOUND, the world’s premier gravel event, presented by @shimanogravel, a wholly owned subsidiary of Life Time Athletic Events, all rights reserved, etc. and so forth:
He attributes his fortitude to his years spent as a land surveyor in Texas:
Schmid’s toughness wasn’t born on a bike. He spent five decades as a land surveyor in the Texas heat, swinging a bush axe through poison ivy and mosquitoes. The work was brutal, but quitting wasn’t an option. “You just kept going,” he says. “Everyone else was out there doing the same.” That work ethic still drives him today.
Let’s hope he doesn’t run up against any building contractors:
Anyway, I hope you’ll all join me in wishing the best of luck to Fred, who is perhaps the most extreme example I’ve ever seen of someone who not only REFUSES to Just Buy A Rivendell Already, but also looks like he might shoot you for merely suggesting it.
Fair enough.
