I always thought Galileo was supposed to be some kind of science genius, but clearly the guy was a freaking idiot:
That’s the dumbest think I ever heard. It’s made of old grapes and feet, Einstein! Even back in Galileo’s day I’m pretty sure that was common knowledge, duh.
Anyway, this morning I went for a ride:
It was one of those rides on which a fellow could really get some thinking done–that is unless he is only possessed of a puny and feeble Galileo-like intellect, as I am. In fact, I’m barely even a mental match for all these overgrown squirrels I kept seeing all over the place:
Nevertheless, I did attempt to think–at least to the extent I’m able to use my brain and turn the pedals over at the same time, which can be challenging–and the subject upon which I meditated was what makes a “normal” bike. See, yesterday I expressed a wish that futuristic superbikes would be reserved for the pros and the rest of us would just ride normal bikes. But what is a normal bike? It’s a reasonable question to ask.
Well, on one hand, “normal” is in the eye of the beholder. For example, if you’re a triathlete, you think this is normal, Lob help you:
Now I don’t want to get into a theological debate here, but it’s hard to believe in a deity that would allow this to exist.
Yet on the other hand, “normal” is something that’s difficult to define, and yet you know it when you see it–like pornography, or a dead clown. Think about it: if you’re walking down the street and you see a dead clown, you don’t have to stand around trying to figure out what it is before calling 911. “I just stepped over a dead clown,” you tell the operator with conviction, and then you keep walking and get on with the rest of your day.
Of course it’s tempting to say “normal” is simply what most people are doing, which is a dangerous mistake, because there’s a difference between “normal” and “normalized.” For example, there were a couple years there were everyone was wearing face masks, and while some even went so far to declare it “the new normal,” it never was; it simply became normalized for awhile. By the way, I note the official definition of “normalize” is this:
nor·mal·ize
/ˈnôrməˌlīz/
verb
past tense: normalized; past participle: normalized
1.bring or return to a normal or standard condition or state.”the situation had normalized”
Please note this is different than the colloquial usage of “normalize” I use here, which does not imply that something is returning to normal; rather, it describes a situation in which people are trying to convince you that what something that was until very recently considered abnormal is suddenly now normal. Generally, it’s employed hysterically, as in “THE MEDIA IS NORMALIZING [thing I don’t like]”–and yes, I realize I’m being hysterical myself when I assert that just because everyone’s now riding road bikes with electronic shifting and disc brakes…
Or fully-articulating mountain bikes with telescoping seatposts…
That this doesn’t make them normal, it just means they’ve been normalized, in the “That’s new and scary and I don’t like it!” sense.
Of course, when it comes to bikes, the degree to which you think nefarious actors are attempting to normalize something insidious is partially dependent on how old you are. For example, if you’re 180 years old, you think this is normal:
And that the bike industry is wantonly attempting to normalize the safety bike.
Similarly, if you’re a member of “Generation Alpha” or whatever they’re up to now, you totally think this is normal:
But you’re going to be mad as hell when Meta or whoever starts normalizing an app that allows you to download yourself to your own phone and then use an app to text yourself to your destination.
So what’s my own definition of “normal?” Well, it’s pretty simple: mechanical shifting, rim brakes, threaded bottom brackets, and quick release skewers. (Or maybe bolt-on axles.) Disc brakes on all-terrain bikes are borderline normal. Suspension on all-terrain bikes is really pushing it. Threadless headsets are still normal, though integrated ones start to get a little weird, and those half-integrated, half-not headsets where the top and bottom are totally different diameters are wildly abnormal and positively disgusting. I suppose it would be extreme to call a tubeless tire or a hydraulic brake on an all-terrain bike not normal at this point, but really a truly normal bike doesn’t use any fluids apart from lubes and whatever’s in your water bottle. Steel, aluminum, titanium, and even crabon are normal, though it depends on how they’re designed–an early-aughts carbon bike with a threaded bottom bracket and conventional (normal!) 1″ or even 1 1/8″ head tube is way more normal than some of the these steel gravel bikes you see nowadays. Battery-powered components (computers excluded) are Not Normal. Wireless components (computers excluded) are Not Normal. Needing a phone app for anything on your bike (computer excluded) is Not Normal.
I fully realize and appreciate that someone else’s idea of normal may be totally different, and I also realize and appreciate that I myself am Not Normal:
Whatever. Normal is as normal does.
